“Our greatest regret is not what we did in life, but what we didn’t do.” Unknown
I think it’s been more than 2 years since I last wrote something seriously. Come to think of it, I never knew why I stopped writing in the first place. Was it because of the writer’s block and scarceness of ideas? Or was it because I was too caught up with work whilst still having a hard time adapting to a new role as a husband and a father? Or was because I was just darn right lazy? My bet, it’s the last one.
Regardless of the reason, I’m here to start my writing engine again and ready for a second try. But just like any other old unused car, starting might be a bit challenging at first. Even as I’m writing this, I could hear my subconscious inferiority mind telling me that I’m going to fail. That I’m going to fall into the same pitfall as I did before, which is doubting myself, giving crappy excuses, expecting praise and approval of others and just being lazy. But at the same time, there’s this subtle voice inside of me, telling me “You can do this!!”
Thus, here I am now, taking up the challenge yet again. Will I fail again? Possibly. But there’s this saying from the movie Sing,
“The good thing about hitting rock bottom, there’s only one way left to go and that’s up!!”
And that’s where I’m headed. Or at least try to.
But before I begin this journey yet again, I need to clarify and remind myself why I pursue this path to begin with.
First of all, it was Dr. Jordan Peterson, who said,
“Writing teaches you to think. If you can think, speak and write, nothing can get in your way”
(From his old video, before he started becoming a pro-zionist)
To become a better man, I really do believe that writing contributes a lot. Writing not only teaches us to think, but the clarity of thinking. It allows us to articulate our thought, reflect deeply on our ongoing life experience, arrange them into a meaningful manner via words and sometimes, even challenge our own status quo on what we believe to be true. In a nutshell, I’m doing this for me, first and foremost. So that I could reap the benefits of writing and become a better version of myself someday. Don’t you forget that Amsyar. Because like it or not. There will come a time, when you (refer to myself) start to write for the wrong reason. And when that happens, give yourself a slap in the face will you.
You’re doing this for your own good!
The second reason to write is to uphold the teaching of the Prophet SAW, which is
“Convey from me even if one ayah”
An early disclaimer, I’m a nobody. That’s just an indisputable fact. I’m just a normal guy who studied a little bit of psychology, loves reading (depends on the season), passionate in learning the Al-Quran, teaches math in school, loves his Deen and wants to do right by it. And through this simple act of writing, whether it’s knowledge, experience, or insight, I hope (bi iznillah) that it could someday help someone out there. Even if it’s just as little as “Ooo I just knew that by reading that guy’s blog.”.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“When the human being dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” (Sahih Muslim 1631)
The third reason (a.k.a. my worldly reason) for me to start writing is, to pursue the dream of someday becoming an author of a book. A book that could inspire and help millions around the globe. Soundly exaggerating? Of course. That’s the point. Kan orang kata “Berimpian itu percuma”. I know that, to achieve that kind of success, I had to grind myself with writing. As stated in the 10,000-hour rule, for one to become a world class in anything, he needs to spend at least 10 000 hours to develop his skill. Thus, that is my goal. To a point where writing shouldn’t just be what I do, but becomes a part of me. Just as a sword becomes an extended part of its wielder.
Not pretty sure what that means, but at least it sounds awesome.
Now having said that, in knowing why I should write, does it mean that I will surely become steadfast and succeed in this journey of becoming a writer? Does it mean that I am free from any negative thoughts or even succumb to my own desires and flaws? Does it mean that I will eventually succeed? Not at all. I know very well of that. Heck, over 90% of writers call it quits just within a year. That could be me any day.
But who knows, maybe…. just maybe….
This time, things could be different. And if all else fails, at least I got to say, “I tried, twice”.
Bismillah…….